Robbed

I’m angry. I’m worried. And I want to scream at someone, anyone. I want to shake my fists in the air and shout “FUCK YOU, EPILEPSY.” I want to point a finger and say it’s your fault, or maybe yours, or maybe you over there. But there’s no one to blame, not really. It’s just one of those things. Yeah. Fuck you.

11081380_10204902989031749_715333339806534571_nWhat is one of those things? It’s watching your daughter’s husband carry her like an infant into the house, bearing her total weight in his arms, begging her to “hang on.”

It’s watching her three year-old squat down in front of her, staring at his unresponsive mommy, then look up and at me and his daddy and say, “Mommy dead?”10406689_10202720249749269_9165213114148148499_n

It’s watching Ava outside on the trampoline, not jumping, just sitting there with tears in her eyes, scared to go in the house.

It’s seeing your daughter finally come out of a grand mal in the Emergency Room, crying, and the first thing she says in a tiny, strained voice is “Ava’s party—I need to go to Ava’s party.”

It’s Ava, in her classroom at school on the day of her Easter party, worried why her mommy isn’t there yet.10846410_10203259521950737_3235638873962084950_n

It’s Landon being roused out of bed by his dad to come lay beside his mom when Allen leaves for work. Call 911, he’s instructed, if she starts seizing. He’s only 11. It’s a heavy burden for any kid but he’s the oldest.

It’s Ireland being clingy to mommy after a brief stay in the hospital.10689606_10202813739246448_3036788874787617335_n

It’s seeing pictures of Landon with his best friend and his family snowboarding and wishing it was you, his own family, that he was there with.

10337728_10202124470815168_6976740376654001142_nIt’s having to ask for help from neighbors to get your kids back and forth to school, or can they hitch a ride with so-and-so to church, or maybe to the ballgame.

It’s looking into special phones that a four year-old like Ivy can learn to use to call 911 with a recorded message that says “mother with grand mal seizure, small children in house.” 10689643_10203246598267653_2778571335627677453_n

It’s organizing the daily round of pills. She’s only 31.

It’s the unspoken fear of going anywhere, the what if...

It’s a disease, a condition, a whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-it. And it’s a thief. It’s robbing my daughter of memories she’ll never get back; it’s robbing her kids of mommy moments.

And that pisses me off. Fuck you, epilepsy. You’ve knocked us down a couple times, but we get right back up. And we’ll keep getting right back up because we will not be your victim. You will not win this war.1394779_10201464344107775_868260868_n

 

 

14 Comments

  1. Lyndia Bailey from rock Hill ,S.C. ( Gayles sissy)

    April 17, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    Lynn,
    Just remember we serve a big God, with out “HIM” we are nothing and can do nothing.
    Just remember “I” will be standing in the Gap for you.
    when two or three are gathered in “HIS” name he said he would be in their mitz PRAISE GOD
    MY heart goes out to you I want you to know I will be praying for you every day.!
    PRAISE RELEASES THE VERY PRESENCE OF “GOD”
    DON’T GIVE UP , GOD KNOWS WHAT IS AROUND THE CORNER IN YOUR LIFE.
    I LOVE YOU AND PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP
    LYNDIA
    THERE IS A PROMISE COMING DOWN THE DUSTY ROAD!!!!!!!

  2. Lynn, you work with our daughter-in-law and she was so kind and caring to seed this on to us. I am thankful because we have a huge team of “Prayer Warriors” that are truly faithful to praying for anyone who is going through sickness, hardships, broken dreams and hearts and much more. The have seen the awesome power of prayer. I will be sending out an email to all the prayer warriors on your behalf. Just know that you are going to feel these prayers and God is the most powerful “Great Physician.” He has got this!! Keep your faith in Him and you’ll never go wrong. We are going to pray for you, your husband, 5 beautiful children family, financial needs, etc. God is all knowing. Just carry in your heart Jeremiah, 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you but to give you a hope and a future.” I cannot tell you how many times that verse has got them through very difficult times when I felt hopeless. We are adding you to our prayer list. Stay strong and Hold on to God’s hand … May you feel his mighty powers and love. Praying everyday!

  3. Tammy Cassell

    April 7, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    Your words are well-spoken. I understand the fear and craziness. There is hope and light though. It may take a while but things will get better. I’ve walked a similar path and 10 years in I have a relatively normal life. Nina is everything people who know her say. You’ve done an awesome job raising her. She provides an awesome testimony. Thank you for sharing her with us 🙂

    • Lynn

      April 9, 2015 at 8:24 am

      Thank you, Tammy. She was always a pretty easy kid to raise. Except for dragging home every stray (and sometimes the neighbor’s) dog, puppy, cat, or kitten and saying “it doesn’t have a home.”

  4. Lynn we are family. Nina is the only daughter I will ever have. Thank you for sharing your special daughter with me. I love her so very much. I will always be here for you and Nina anytime you need me. We WILL prevail with the power of God over Epilepsy. I give it to him every day in prayer. He will answer all our prayers.

  5. chris granville

    April 5, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    Praying for you hard!
    God be with you all

  6. Joanne Harrelson

    April 5, 2015 at 6:59 am

    Lynn, I cannot come close to imagining what this must be like for you, as her mother..always on edge, wondering. As for Nina’s children, they are brave little souls; her husband, it must be terrifying for him. I pray that some medical solution will be found for her so that she can someway lead as close to a normal life as possible~ My thoughts, prayers and love I send to you..♥

    • Lynn

      April 5, 2015 at 11:13 am

      Thanks Joanne, aka “Mom”. We’re praying the new grand mals won’t affect the plans for surgery. Will know more in about two weeks.

  7. That brought tears to my eyes, Lynn. I had an employee with severe epilepsy and the medications he had to take was awful, with all sorts of side effects that made other employees make fun of him. I ran to his side so many time…the only supervisor in the state willing to take him under my wing. One of the most loyal employees I ever had. My heart breaks for you, your daughter and your grandchildren. But thank God you are there for them. Prayers for sure, my friend.

  8. Tears and a heart full of prayer for you guys-

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