The “you’re not my mother” issue

I’m funny about certain holidays. Like, for instance, Valentines Day. In my humble opinion, celebrations for that day should be reserved for adult couples. But I see nothing wrong with school kids exchanging valentines with their classmates. But it stops there. I don’t expect a Valentines Day card from my grandkids, or my kids, or from my aunt or cousin or sibling.

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are other holidays I’m funny about. But not necessarily for the same reasons as above.

My ex-hubby and I have two kids together. Not once during our marriage did he acknowledge Mother’s Day for me. After years of no cards or even a forced “Happy Mother’s Day” statement, I finally asked why. Not that I expected anything grand – just a simple acknowledgement would do. His reply was, “you’re not my mother.”  Okay. I can give him that one. But I am the mother of two of his kids. Two kids, who at that time, were too young to drive themselves to the store and pick out a card. So heads up all you dads out there – buy it for them! Let them scribble their names on it with a crayon. Two things will come of this – you’ll make their mom so happy she’ll probably cry, and your kids will enjoy it. They’ll also learn the art of gift-giving. mothers-day-300x223

No, I’m not endorsing materialism. Or even Hallmark. But if children are never given the opportunity to give a gift – no matter how small – or a card someone else picked out or one that they made, they’ll grow up wondering what all the fuss is about. And many moms will not be able to claim a shoe box full of Mother’s Day cards as one of their most precious treasures.

And for anyone with a single mom in their live – offer to take the kids for an hour. And in that hour, run them up to the store if they’re old enough to pick something out for themselves, or spend an hour with them and crayons and a piece of construction paper. No one can put a price tag on the smile on that kid’s face when they present mom with her gift. 040513



  1. Thank you for this blog. I remember my first Mother’s Day. I left my 3 week old son home with my mom so I could go get my own Mother’s Day card. In my ex-hubby’s words “You are not MY mother” he clearly indicated I was not even getting a card for my very first Mother’s Day.

  2. Great points to keep in mind for ANY holiday. Giving someone the chance to give, and be thoughtful is the point, not the “material” aspect. One of the most treausured gifts I’ve ever received was a simple notebook from my daughter filled with her hand-written passeges–50 reasons why/how I’ve impacted my life – with famous quotes accompanying. It cost her not much more than a few dollars for the journal, and a TON of heart, time, and thought, and isn’t that the point? Sharing of self? Wonderful post, and blessings ~

  3. I heard this, too, and it’s only his many great qualities that saved my husband from the foot in his *&% in our younger days! A nice post–and timely!

  4. Lynn, my father used that very same rationale (excuse) for not giving my mom anything for mother’s day. Of course I didn’t know this as a kid growing up in our household. It wasn’t until I was much older that I noticed it and that’s when my mom told me his rationale. The “You’re not my mother” reason is such a lame, lazy, unacceptable excuse to give a woman who bore your children.

    I’m very thankful my husband does not use that excuse. Or should I say he’s very thankful he doesn’t use that excuse. He probably wouldn’t want to feel my foot caught in his a@#. 🙂

  5. Lynn

    May 5, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    And Happy Mother’s Day to you, too, friend! I know it’ll be a tough one for you this year.

  6. Oh so true. Its the small stuff that counts. Happy Mother’s day to you my friend. You deserve a BIG mother’s day gift (or shiny… comes in small packages) You are a force to be reckoned with when it comes to being there for the kids and grands. 🙂 My hat’s off to you!

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