What was the question?

Have you ever talked with someone who rambles? They ask a question at the beginning of the conversation but don’t give you a chance to respond until it’s too late. Too late meaning you’ve forgotten what the question is!

I see this often in written dialog, too. The writer will have Character A ask a question or say something that needs/deserves/warrants a response from Character B, followed by several lines of narrative. By the time we get to Character B’s response, we readers forget what he/she is responding to. And you never want the reader to have to go back and re-read a passage for it to make sense. It interrupts the flow. Do it too much, and they’ll stop going back and simply return the book to the bookshelf.

Example:  “So how do you take your coffee?” John asked. He pulled two mugs from the cabinet. One, his prized NY Yankees mug with the embossed logo, the other one a black one with the green logo of the furniture company he used to work for. That was back in his married days. He was a single man now and rather enjoying his new life.
                “Black,” Miranda said.

My first thought after reading Miranda’s dialog is black what? I had forgotten what she was responding to. I worried poor Miranda had some kind of condition that made her spout out random words. But then I went back and re-read sleazy John’s question and her line of dialog made sense. I went back and re-read. Not a good thing. I’ll give the author one more chance, then it’s back to collecting dust for this baby.

A better way to write the above passage is to simply put the action (John removing the mugs) after Miranda’s line.

Example: “So how do you take your coffee?” John asked.
              “Black,” said Miranda.
               John pulled two mugs….

Ahhh…can you feel the flow?

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